Friday, July 22, 2011

When Hope Is Gone

Okay, so I lost 4 pounds since I last posted. That would be 4 pounds in 4 days. But I'm not happy. I did that by sticking with mostly protein. Even with some major cheats I managed to lose because I had just gained that weight this last month. So I lost. What aren't I happy?

Here's why; I cant get fully on board. I don't know what is holding me back. I have 12 more pounds before I weigh what I did before I lost 50 pounds in 2008. As I watch the weight creep back I just feel frantic. I feel scared. I wasn't heavy in my twenties and thirties. Then I had a baby at 40 and went all through my forties as obese. Now here I am beginning my fifties and I'm still overweight. I don't want to go another10 years overweight. Sometimes when I stop and think about my weight it just scares me to death.  What sort of old age diseases am I going to have because I'm not losing the weight.

I wish there was a way to lose it that was fast yet sensible. I'm not even talking fast, as in, 50 pounds gone in two months. I'd just be happy to lose 5 - 8 pounds a month consistently! I have to do something. Yes, I've lost. But I don't feel like jubilantly declaring that I am on my way. I don't feel on my way. I feel like I lost that four pounds be default or something. There just has to be an answer.

You all would flip if you know how healthy I really do eat; eggs straight from the farm, chickens butchered with the help of my own hands, ketchup, relish, salsa, spaghetti sauces, all kinds of berries, herbs, sweet pickles, dill pickles, green beans, broccoli, cabbage, bread....all made with my own hands. All veggies grown in my own organic garden. I'm not eating all the fast food and prepared foods like most of America. I can only figure that I am taking in too many calories. Input is exceeding output.

I wish I could do medifast or something like that and then just stay on it until I had this weight off. I wish I didn't have to think about food preparation and eating. Life would be so much easier. But I do have to think about it!

I sit here in front of my computer tonight with all optimism gone...nothing ahead ,but a life of obesity, out of whack insulin and candida. Did I tell you my candida is out of control right now?


  1. ((( hugs ))) My suggestion: try working through a congitive therapy book (I suggest Beck's - you can check it out online) and back off of the "diet" stuff. Even eating "healthy" can put weight on - but still eating "healthy" is very, very important. I do the same things with looking at my weight - discounting my successes by letting my failures override them. That's where a book like Beck's (I have some posts on my blog about it) would help you over the "mind stuff". Seriously, it's really the mind stuff that keeps a lot of us back.
    Don't give up!! The "easy answer" often isn't the right answer.
    PS You can email me if you'd like - I'm willing to help you/encourage you. entirelyforhim at yahoo dot ca

  2. Dawn, I have that book, The Beck Diet Solution. Maybe I better pull it out and read it.

  3. I feel like I have the same story...had my last baby the day before I turned 40 and stayed obese for the next six years (he turns 7 this August). I was a very normal weight before that also. The 40's are tough for some reason...mentally. The only thing that finally helped me get my brain motivated was the book "Made to Crave" by Lysa Terkeurst. It really helped my motivation and want to big time. I also watched her videos this summer that support her book. They were fantastic also. I am out of the obese range, but still have about 20 pounds to go to be in the normal bmi range. I've stalled a little this summer enjoying too much relaxation etc., so I'm re-reading the book. Short term memory/motivation must be another of my issues in the 40's...ha. I can really relate to how you feel though...and feeling hopeless is very discouraging. Praying for you today.

  4. 4 lbs is awesome! Don't beat yourself up looking backwards. Unfortunately we all have to plan our food and its so annoying for everyone you are not alone. You are a mom trying your best to be as healthy as you can be. Kudos to you!

  5. Have you tried body for life? not quite a diet but it did help me shed 30 lbs... only 12 weeks.


  6. I lost 52 pounds on the 17 day diet and by documenting my weekly diet and exercise routine with a weight loss goal sheet. It was a little difficult at first but it got easier. Cutting out sugar was hard I believe sugar is addicting. This process was life saving. I used my goal sheet to plan in advance my diet and exercise routine and it helped me to stay on track and also to see what my biggest challenges were.

    I became a member of, started a weight loss plan and received a goal sheet there are also a lot of weight loss tips and tools that supported my weight loss goals. So I need to lose 31 more pounds but I am on my way.

    I realized that my weight gain was mainly due to eating processed foods so once I eliminated process foods and replaced it with real foods the weight started coming off.

    I also started an exercise plan, the Zumba Workout, it worked for me, it is fun and energizing.I just went shopping last week for some cute summer cloths it feels great to be thin.
    If you are looking to lose weight give this plan a shot it worked for me. Start Here.

  7. Never lose hope! I am 23 years old currently 324 pounds- looking to get healthy so I can keep up with my students- I have recently discovered a great website its a great community plus the website offers tools such as a food and workout tracker and generator- it an easy webpage to navigate- also, if you enjoy reading you may read "the spark" by chris downie (the founder of sparkpeople) which is based on the same principles but i found it to be a good supplement, but not necessary- the website focuses on setting goals and things that will help you in your journey

    i hope it helps you as much as it has helped me- it will change the way you look at life, food, and most importantly yourself. - it will help you get on board, build momentum and stay consistent on your journey

  8. Yes losing weight can be very challenging but there are a variety of things that can help you succeed like adding protein and fiber to your diet. This can help boost the weight loss. Some times it is a number of different things that add up to shedding the pounds.
    Other weight loss tips to consider

  9. I like XS energy drinks, They use be Vitamins as their major source of energy, They have zero sugar, zero carb, and caffeine levels of a cup of coffee...


Thank you for taking the time to encourage me on my journey! Your comment is appreciated!