I cannot even tell you how frustrated I am! I am not losing weight and now Im so upset that I would have to say I am angry. Angry at everyone and everything. I cannot lose this weight. Today I stood in McDonalds, having gone in there to get a movie out of Red Box, and I thought about my long day. I wanted a mint mocha so badly.. and yet I didn't want it. I stood in line to get it and then left, without a movie or the mocha. Nothing is working. I can't get on a plan and stay on it. I'm only 9 pounds from my heaviest weight ever. Do I care? I must not. If I did I would diet. I just can't find the energy to worry about diet right now. My business is taking every ounce of energy out of me. I am busy from morning till night. I hate myself in the morning when I get dressed. I hate myself in the afternoon when I am tired. I hate myself in the evening when I go to bed. I am fat. Just plain fat and I have no idea how to find the time to deal with it. I want to just stand on the rooftop and scream. I hate myself at this weight. I have no idea how to change anything. Every extra bit of energy and thought I have, is used up on every day life. I can't bring myself to count every bite again. I just don't have it in me. Is this the end? I don't know.